GASLIGHTING

IS THIS REAL? 

The clock struck three and Shreya was wide awake already. Sliding blankets off to a side, she sat up straight and regretted what she did the previous night. With no sign of drowsiness on her eyes, she stayed up all night scrutinising the situation and analysing the facts. 

“Why did Siddhu accuse me like that? Did I do him wrong? But all I did was, emoting how I felt to his inappropriate act. I sobbed to him that I cannot handle this; that I cannot bear the pain. How will these mean that I abuse him? Or does it ? Should I have not addressed it all? Should I have let that die within me? Is it wrong that I mentioned his act was wrong? Are partners supposed to leave things unattended and let it thin out in time? Would time have let things heal on its own? Did I over react? I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have wailed. I shouldn’t have pointed him out. Who does to their partner? I’m such a awful person.”, 

she thought this along with hundred other thoughts which kept her mind occupied all night. She couldn’t sleep even when she convinced herself that the situation which was disturbing her wouldn’t matter much to her in few years time. She tried giving pep talks to herself when everyone else in her home were sound asleep. She saw the early morning sun rays hit up her window pane and glide through; heard the cleaners sweep the roads narrating their household stories to their colleagues; heard the trucks honk and trail past her home. She decided to call Sid and apologise again as she thought that would pacify her.

While doing her daily routine, her mind was well jammed with the thousands of thoughts racing past one another chaotically.

Laptop reverberated musics and other resonation as Sid hit play and pause buttons. His composition required a final few corrections before it was ready completely and he thought of Shreya when he had final sip of his Bacardi. With no second thought he ran her number on his phone and talked with her. Shreya who seemed overwhelmed with thoughts until then turned euphoric hearing his voice and apologised to Sid as,

“Sid! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have reacted much. Had I had given you better attention you would  have not hooked up with that woman. It was wrong on my part. I am the one who has to be guilty and not you.”

To which he replied,

“ This is fine. But, please don’t repeat this, babe.” 

Sid and Shreya were both fond of each other though the extents of the same differed. It is a mainstream idea to be there for your partner no matter what, like how the Harley Quinn and Joker pair was screened in cinemas. Harley Quinn did extreme acts in the name of love. She believed in different reality as worded by Joker. From being a doctor she switched herself to one convict. 

Sid made Shreya sorry without much effort. In any relationship each one influences the other in the least defined ways. Knowing this, one could either nurture the other or bring them to a dark doom of overwhelming thoughts causing nothing but harm. 

I wish you realise this when your Sid gaslights you. And if you are the Sid of your relationship, take steps to detox the toxicity that you have been spreading all along because you are a good person too.